dread

sph internship writing test later at 1400 hrs.

i know it looks like it means nothing to me by not starting on any preparation (yet. later). but it's so so so important to me that it scares me to do anything for it. like i'd feel even more crushed if i fail to get it after all that hard work.

i know. i'm weird.

i really wanna ace this and get into sph, secure an internship post and work my way from there. it's so important that a cold, sick dread starts to roll around in my stomach every time i think about it.

it's not just another gp essay. i can't just write average. i feel like i have to write extraordinarily well. to wring my creative juices dry to the max and invent bombastic quirky strings of words in 2.5 hrs to impress them into taking me in.

i can't afford to screw this up.

i feel like i'm gonna puke any minute.