downgrading

have you ever wondered...
why is that square cardboard thing of a hat you wear for graduation called a mortarboard?
it sounds like a bloody weapon
maybe if you hurl it like a frisbee you can actually kill somebody.

just bits gleaned from my friends who are graduating this semester
a tiny piece of me feels like i've overstayed my welcome at uni
don't you think it's time you move on to the real world jane?
stop hiding behind readings, cors and assignments and all.

if i hadn't been so selfish and insisted on doing my honours,
then perhaps my parents wouldn't have to sell our place
and we wouldn't have to visit strangers' homes every other day like open house
be perplexed and worried and brood over what the future holds for us.

i hate to move.
i love my place too much.
my cosy bedroom with its cheery pink and yellow walls.
the familiar neighbourhood cats that destress me whenever i play with them.
the endless billowing winds at 21 floors up
the way the kitchen is bathed in a warm golden hue every dusk and dawn

it sucks to think that someone else would be perusing the furniture you painstakingly chose
changing and moving them any way they please
invading your personal space like nobody's business

i should have known
the past 5 years was a dream, a hotel stay, a paradise
that was never meant to last.

if someone had told me earlier,
then maybe i wouldn't be as upset right now.

just grant me the strength and wisdom to deal with this as best as i can.
to be of as much help as possible to my parents every step of the way.

where would i be when i graduate this year end?