prawning

Last Tuesday, I finally realised my first prawning trip, along with my first Botak Jones meal.

Botak Jones is not fantastic. I am really disappointed with its burger but their cajun fries are good. For 7 dollars, you do get incredibly stuffed. Even the gluttony and ravenous me couldn't finish everything. Can you believe that. Sigh. I did my best already, ok? The coleslaw was left completely untouched, with a handful of fries. Our Botak Jones lunch was around 11 am and we still weren't hungry after prawning at 6 pm or so. Scary.

Jo and I went with our experienced prawning pal, Sor! It was really an eye-opener and so much fun despite our sleep-deprived selves. All of us didn't get much sleep the previous night, though for all different reasons. I was too afraid and excited to sleep cos I needed to get chicken heart (bait food) from the wet market and didn't wanna miss the opening hours.

Sor handled most of the icky bits like cutting the heart into bite-size prawn bait, grabbing the live, reluctant catch and tearing off its pincers with his bare hands. It's such an adrenaline rush to tussle with the prawn and finally reel it in. You wonder if it is a small or big one this time. The heartstopping moment suspended between the unknown and realisation as the prawn pops out from the water.

We met this kind uncle who gave us his catch cos he "prawns for fun". It was an idyllic afternoon spent in a remote fishing farm, its serene and tranquil silence occasionally punctuated by a couple of girly shrieks from us. Yep, it was quite fun despite our huge eyebags and general bleah-ness.

I got my mum to cook the prawns once I got home. The meat was firm, juicy and crunchy! I loved it :) and my mum sucked every bit of juice out of the shells. Haha.

ha, the two sleepy souls

mutilated chicken heart

our first catch!

lazy feet

me eager to check our catch for the day

woohoo!

"let our end be swift."

the nicest boy and the not-so-nice girl

hugging me so tight i couldn't breathe, i laughed and asked why.

"cos i don't wanna lose you."

"... but you won't."

"i'm not so sure..."

with that, he slipped into dreams. rudely awokened later by me, i whisked him to clementi mcd for the manu/chelsea fa cup match. i spent the next two and a half hours anxiously watching manu fight and then lose pathetically at the bitter end. goof cheered on enthusiastically for chelsea's victory, for that meant the sleepy boy could finally go home and sleep. =\

still, that statement bothered me. why would he think that? it pissed me that i made him feel what i hate most - insecure. arghhh, he needs to know that he's stuck with me!

i questioned him about it the next morning.

he dismissed it as nonsense sleepy mumblings.

grrr. who's being silly eh?

if i could turn back time,
"nothing in this world could tear me away from you."

waiting II

so, sph did call :)))))))))))))))) yesterday morning.

i was probably over the moon, but too groggy at 10 am to take in the news. as reality gradually sank in, i got more nervous and fretful than happy. went blading with goof afterwards, but the torrential rain had us cooped at ecp macdonalds' alfresco section reading newspapers for two bloody hours. the interview bugged at the back of my mind so i wasn't really in the mod for anything.

came home, did some research and went through endless rounds of mental rehearsals before i crawled into bed at 0430 hrs. nonetheless, i ended up tossing and turning in bed until it was time to get ready. another sleepless night this week.

but i'm relieved and happy to say the interview went well. i think. :) the sph newsroom is amazingly huge and exciting with most of the desks empty; everyone must be out in the field covering stories. i really like the panel of interviewers - friendly, witty and interesting. most importantly, i felt that i was natural, sincere, engaging, interesting and coherent albeit having oodles of jittery nerves. just being myself and telling them about my passion for and experience in writing. i could feel my teeth chattering even as i smile.

it was tons better than the nac one a few days back which i totally screwed myself upside down and laid myself bare for dogs to chew on. it was a horrible 15 minutes that made me feel completely lousy, incompetent and stupid afterwards.

i feel that i can walk out of the room with my head held up, satisfied with my performance. whether or not i get accepted, i remain tremendously grateful for the opportunity given and proud that i hadn't wasted it.

no matter what happens, i know there are other options available with goof and family always being there for me. i didn't tell many about this interview cos with every declaration comes another bout of nervous anxiety and worry. just wanna thank ling, jo and sor for cheering me on.

this week has been a volatile emotional rollercoaster. been considering if i should stay on for honours, should the results turn out ok this semester. considering my family's finances and the fact that i will need another two years, the cost-benefit implications are huge. i still haven't made up my mind and i'm gonna talk to dr millie this tuesday.

if sph were to offer me my dream job with an acceptable pay, i would snatch it up in a heartbeat. i suppose i would always regret not doing honours. but i realise that one main reason why i'm doing well is that i've taken fewer modules than my other cnm friends. these modules were my pet faves, the best out of the lot and that's why i could do well. give me another 14 modules to do and i reckon my cap would plummet as well. i've browsed through and there are prob only max 10 modules i'm interested in. that's very risky. plus, i've asked around and it seems that magazine-writing does not really require hons degree.

see how. i'm putting all this into god's hands.

i think you have more faith in me that i do myself
to see the unwavering certainty in your eyes
it's amazing how you make me feel
thank you.

waiting

i'm scared and worrried and irritated and bored. granted it's a saturday, but it's already been 4 days and i've received no word from them. arggggh. with each passing day, my hopes grow dimmer and dimmer.

come on, hire me. i'm so worth your 650 bucks alright.

time flies

i really need to cut back on my temper when talking to my family. sometimes my impatient nature makes me the most evil daughter in the world.

may 16 is my dad's big day. bro and i for the very first time have unanimously agreed to get him something and give them both a treat since it coincides with mother's day. i think it would be the best present if i can curb my nasty inner witch.

everyone's been asking me about the test. thanks guys, i appreciate the concern. it went... alright. i can't help but feel a tad rusty at writing gp. and the holiday mood didn't help. i don't know if i match up to their standards. there's nothing to do now but wait and see if there's a callback for interview. aahhh i hate uncertainty and anxiety.

here's a rundown of the week's (may 2-10) highlights:

may 2 tj gang dinner at bedok blk 85...

... followed by the sleepover at jo's

for 3 am manu-acmilan cl match!

the prematch pillow fight

may 3 the 3Js' post-exam ktv

may 5 sending friends off to the us of a

may 6 ling hits 22 at vivocity!

may 10 sending joyce off to aussieland

20 days... we'll miss you babe!

5 months work n travel us... will miss you too chin!

dread

sph internship writing test later at 1400 hrs.

i know it looks like it means nothing to me by not starting on any preparation (yet. later). but it's so so so important to me that it scares me to do anything for it. like i'd feel even more crushed if i fail to get it after all that hard work.

i know. i'm weird.

i really wanna ace this and get into sph, secure an internship post and work my way from there. it's so important that a cold, sick dread starts to roll around in my stomach every time i think about it.

it's not just another gp essay. i can't just write average. i feel like i have to write extraordinarily well. to wring my creative juices dry to the max and invent bombastic quirky strings of words in 2.5 hrs to impress them into taking me in.

i can't afford to screw this up.

i feel like i'm gonna puke any minute.