so one-dimensional

is it just me
or does everyone feel rather estranged from one's extended family?

i feel like they don't know me at all.
i'm merely the embodiment of their imagined conception of supposedly goody-goody "cousin/niece".

cognitive dissonance

utterly bummed out now.
been trawling the net high and low for delias sprees
it's either i missed them or they take too long to close
and now the dress i'm eyeing has run out of my size.
it's cheap and pretty! i really like it. argh.

starting school on monday for special sem
every mon and wed, 3-6 pm.
have never taken a biz module before
just hope i don't embarrass myself too much
in the numerous presentations ahead.

go portugal!!! =(

to know where i'm coming from

i am still reeling from the shock that is johann s lee's latest novel
shock, because of how unreservedly naked and poignant it was
though not "autobiographical" per se
the characters were no doubt fleshed from real life
getting under their skin, feeling for them, was just a matter of time

granted, it's a simple story of the heartaches and choices in life
recounted simply, flitting between the present and past with flashbacks
but it touched me, both familiar and different all at once
with its local flavour and settings seen from the eyes of a gay emigrant
there were occasional lapses of concentration
when i felt like editing the typos which marred the joy of reading

it certainly puts things into perspective
its unabashed look into the emerging local gay community's need for acceptance and identity
that queer love is no different from the straight
perhaps even more difficult, fickle and transient
and because of that, more precious.

it resonates with me
because deep down, like the protagonist,
i want someone who is committed to growing old with me
someone who sticks around and attempts to fix things right
no matter how ugly the last fight was
he would appreciate my strengths, accept my flaws
and at the end of the day, still love me for it all.

rates as one of my best reads this hols so far.
got me so hooked i didn't stop reading til it was 9 in the morning
and in the end, was absurdly late for the dimsum lunch with gina and jialin
can't wait to get my hands on more queer lit actually.

the travel bug's biting.
i feel like going somewhere

no, i need to go somewhere.

unforgivable

i'd like to say that i truly enjoyed tonight's dinner with weili
soaking in the sights and smells of chompchomp
the past few days of being holed up at home reading
begging the words to transport me to worlds far far away.
i finished 3 novels in 3 days.

but what i was doing was merely avoiding,
delaying the inevitable.

you were at the back of my mind all the time
i'm so terribly sorry
that i've hurt you without knowing it all this while
that i didn't give you what you wanted
perhaps the most abominable sin of all was
that i didn't manage to make you feel loved.